Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
Who wears a wallet chain?!
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
