Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
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