I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
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