the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
