I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
