I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
