1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Randomize
