I think scott just propositioned me for sex
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
