In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
