Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Randomize
