I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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