we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
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