you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
