i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Randomize
