Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
