for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
You made out with two different species that night
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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