I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Randomize
