on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
