Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
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