I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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