Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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