A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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