My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
