Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
