My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
