I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize
