Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Randomize
