the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Randomize
