My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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