he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize
