By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
