I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Randomize
