Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
