just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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