If i come over, it means nothing
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Randomize
