Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
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