I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
My hand turned me down
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
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