I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
