Your mouth is God's brothel.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
