i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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