It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
