i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Randomize
