I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
