I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Randomize
