Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
We don't watch enough power rangers
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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