rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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