Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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