Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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