your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
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