i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
