Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
